It's All Fun and Games
by Angelia Dark
Summary: It's Rose's birthday, and John insists on there being a party. And where there's a party, there are party games. And where there are party games, there are shenanigans waiting to happen. Subtle pairings, not-so-subtle language. Sort of follows late-ish upd8s (or not).
1. Until Someone Gets a Cramp

**It's All Fun and Games…**

"… _ **Until Someone Gets a Cramp"**_

Everyone watched with varied degrees of amusement—or annoyance—as John flew back and forth between rooms, gathering things up and stashing them in a spare recreation room. While most observed, a handful of others—namely Terezi and Roxy—helped him carry things into the rec room, all the while being tailed by a loudly protesting Rose and Karkat.

See, while absolutely bored out of his skull, John had absently asked Dave what day it was, Earth-wise. Being the Knight of Time, the answer came instinctively to him. It took .005 seconds for John to jerk up and realize it was Rose's birthday today, and OMIGOSH THEY HAD TO HAVE A PARTY LIKE RIGHT NOW. Hence, all the running around and gathering of party supplies.

Rose followed him, insisting she didn't need a party, really!

Karkat followed them, DEMANDING that John stop fucking around because they didn't need a gogdamn party. REALLY.

Popular vote won over, though. They were having a party, and attendance was mandatory, lest they be subjected to whatever torturous and heinous pranks John could come up with.

He'd been thinking up really good ones a LOT lately, and after mentioning one involving toilet water, balloons, and a bucket, most unwitting trolls were game.

Dave was in charge of the music, debating between horrorcore, deathpop, and rockabilly, and deciding all three genres sucked.

Jane was whipping up a cake and some extra snacks because a party with JUST chips and soda was totally not a good party at ALL.

Jake and Roxy were having a ball with the decorations, making it as gaudy as possible and ignoring the peanut gallery that was Vriska's critiquing.

Gamzee was let out of the fridge (with threats from Vriska to not fuck up or he'd be put back in), and displayed some rebellion by drinking half the Faygo.

Somehow, between John's proclamation of party and Jane finishing the cake, setting up the whole thing took less than two hours.

….and then John decided Rose needed presents. Which delayed the party another half-hour while most everyone scrambled around to find/alchemize/Void-y power up some gifts.

Finally, after Karkat threatened to start screaming until ears bled, the party was on!

It was slow starting until Dave put on some techno dance tunes and Terezi forced Vriska to do some raunchy dance moves with her just to mess with Karkat. It certainly started up a fun game of seeing which dance moves could make Karkat turn reddest in the face. It was a game Dave won by practically giving Karkat a lap dance, making the troll shove him away and start stammering, unable to form a coherent explicative.

Despite her protests, Rose had a pretty good time, thanking everyone for the party, especially John for suggesting it. "…kind of reminds me of when I went to this girl's party when I was eight. Except for the impromptu lap dance." Cue Karkat's sputtering again. "…but at her party, I remembered we played games, like hide-and-go-seek, piñata, Twister—"

"TWISTER!" John exclaimed, already getting his sugar high on, his sudden jubilation making Gamzee honk and spill another bottle of Faygo. "OMIGOD WE HAVE TO PLAY TWISTER!"

"John, wha—" Before Rose could say anything else, John had torn off, returning less than five minutes later with a large white sheet and a paint set. "John, are you serious?"

"You bet!" John chirped, setting the sheet down and dumping red, yellow, green, and blue paint in spots on it. "PAINT Twister!" He stood up, admiring his work. Terezi poked around at it.

"I'm liking where THIS is going," she said, grinning. "PLEASE tell me we're going where I think we're going with this!"

"Please tell me we're NOT," Karkat groused, grimacing at the paint piles. "Because I don't want to have to fuckin' wash paint outta my ass." He growled when John smacked a hand to his back.

"Not unless you put it there, Karkat," John replied absently. "Still have no idea what your troll fetishes are."

"THAT IS NOT MY FETISH YOU NOOKSNIFFING FUCKWAD—"

"But anyway, the aim of the game is to spin the—oh man, I forgot the—"

"Got it!" Dave held up a hastily-done spinning board.

"Thanks, bro. Anyway, you spin the board, and you have to put your hand or foot wherever it lands on! Who wants to go first?"

"ME ME ME!" Terezi shouted, rushing up. By this point, everyone had abandoned the food and dancing to gather around to see how this would play out. Dave flicked the board.

"Okay, Terezi, Left Hand, Blue."

Terezi cackled, cracking her knuckles and walking over to the paint piles, sniffing out the blue and sticking her left hand in it. "….this was anti-climactic."

"Oh, don't worry, it gets better!" John said, practically hopping in place from sugar-hyped excitement. "See, when it's your turn, you put your hand or foot down, but you have to KEEP it down, no matter where you have to bend! If you fall, you lose!" He gestured wildly to the sheet. "I made it party-sized so we ALL play!"

Tavrosprite glanced down at his ghost tail. "…uhhhhhh….."

"Oh, you can spin the board! So we ALL participate!"

"….Fair enough." Tavrosprite took the board. "Who's next then?"

* * *

Twenty minutes later, the sheet was smeared with paint and paint-covered bodies.

Rose, Kanaya, and Terezi had both fallen out, and were watching amused, as Tavrosprite flicked the board arrow. "Vriska, Right Foot, Red."

Vriska groaned glancing around to find a red spot, smirking when she saw it was about two inches from Jake's crotch, lifting her right leg and swinging it quickly to slam down on the spot. Jake yelped, his arms and legs shaking as he struggled to maintain his backwards-crab position, sweating with relief when his crotch remained unstomped.

"Getting tired there, Jakey?" she cooed. Jake scowled, forcing his limbs to stop shaking.

"Vriska, shut the fuck up!" Karkat hissed, trying to keep his head from resting against Gamzee's chest, feeling that it would be TOTALLY WORTH IT to drop, just to make the stupid grinning fucktard juggalo drop too.

Gamzee was the odds-on winner on everyone's mind. The Bard was currently contorted in a way so his chest was facing up, but his legs were crossed over the other to twist his lower body downward, one arm over his head on a green spot and the other reaching over to rest on a yellow, not looking fatigued or uncomfortable in the least. It seemed nothing at all when Tavrosprite spun the board and had him shift his left leg further over for Left Food, Blue.

"Gog, Makara, do you have rubber for bones or something?" Vriska griped, shifting her arm to keep it from locking up. Gamzee shrugged, looking almost smug.

"Didn't I tell you this was a great idea?" John piped up, looking almost as comfortable as Gamzee, his body bridging over Roxy's with his right hand close to Karkat's head.

"Egbert, shut the fuck up before I bite your hand off and make another fucking red pile, I'm trying to concentrate!" Karkat was on the top of the pile, the worst place for his short stature, his back and legs straight, hips arched, and arms crossed in front of him, screaming at Terezi every time she made a sex-position joke. Indeed, his face was almost as red as the paint pike his face was three inches from and vowed to have John's blood add into.

Tavrosprite snerked, spinning the arrow again. "Jade Left Foot, Green."

Jade whimpered. "….I cant, the only one free is right in front of me!" she wailed.

"Then give up so I'm not chewing on your stupid outfit," Vriska shot back, shifting her face away from Jade's hood cloth. Jade conceded, calling quits before levitating up and sitting back, rubbing her sore joints and wiping the paint from her glasses.

Dirk had his turn, specifying his left foot to yellow, taking a deep breath before swinging his leg over the pile—

" _ **GOGDAMNMOTHERFUCKINGCOCKSHITFUUUUUUUUUUCK—"**_

" _ **!HOOOOOOOOONK!"**_

—right into Karkat's ass, knocking him off balance, dropping his weight down on everyone, pinning Gamzee down in the bottom.

John, Rose, Kanaya, and Terezi laughed their heads off, Karkat and Vriska swore so hard they made Satan flinch, and Gamzee continued to flail and honk under everyone.

It took about ten minutes for everyone to calm down, untangle, and have Roxy Void the paint away.

"Who the FUCK would do that for FUN?!" Karkat demanded, rubbing his sore ass, sure there was a bruise from Dirk's heel nailing it. "It's like the kind of fucking torture they'd make Trolls do for capital punishment!"

"What a way to go, then," John said, smiling. "C'mon, Karkat, that was fun! I mean, it's easier when fewer people play, it—"

"And less messy, since the actual way to play it is with plain spots on the sheet, rather than paint gobs," Rose added. Karkat glowered at John, his eye twitching.

"…you mean to tell me we could've done that without the fucking slippery paint THAT I TOTALLY ATE WHEN THAT FUCK-MOTHERING ASS-PRINCE KICKED ME THE FUCK OVER~!?"

John absconded quickly as Karkat began chasing him around the place, vowing to stuff his intestines with paint until he was shitting it for a perigree. Dave cranked the tunes back up so everyone could loosen their joints back up with dancing, and Gamzee curled up in the corner, silently suffering from having his bulge viced between his own legs in the fall.


	2. Until Someone Breaks Out the Booze

**It's All Fun and Games…**

" **…** _ **.Until Someone Breaks Out the Booze."**_

The party wound down a little after a few hours, but John said _"It's not over until her birthday is OFFICIALLY over!"_ TOTALLY good news for them Dave managed to catch the date at about 4 am, Earth-time. YES. BRILLIANT. PERFECT.

Kanaya officially cut off John's sugar intake.

John placated Karkat in promising to help clean up, to which Karkat demanded his start doing NOW, before he stepped on another can of soda and had a nervous breakdown. So that's what he started doing, scooping up the trash and arranging the décor to be something a little less messed up before taking a break and snapping back a bottle of Faygo.

Cue: Inspiration. Combine with Prankster's Gambit. Shake until mixed, and….

"GUYS, I KNOW ANOTHER AWESOME GAME!"

The collective groan drowned out Dave's music for a moment. "Aw, don't be like that!" John huffed. "It's just one day of games before we can go back to being bored and lame!"

"AGREED!" Terezi spoke up. "That Twister game was COOL! What game do you have in mind THIS time?"

John grinned, holding up his half-empty bottle of Faygo. Every human in the room felt a rush of foreboding.

"Truth—"

 _Oh no._

"—or—"

 _Sweet merciful denizens, no!_

"—Dare!"

Roxy, Dave, and Jade looked positively gleeful while Rose, Dirk, and Jane looked as though John had made a blasphemous suggestion. Only Jake looked confused.

"….what's that?"

"THAT'S IT, WE'RE SO PLAYING!" Roxy squealed, immediately pushing everyone to sit in a circle and getting swatted at by the irate few who didn't know what it was, or cared for that matter.

"…fucking RIDICULOUS…!" Karkat was griping. Rose rushed out to get something and Vriska dragged Gamzee over to the circle, muttering about if she had to be a part of this hoofbeastshit, so did he.

Rose rushed back in with a large bottle of something, setting it down beside her. Kanaya leaned over and sniffed it, scowling. "Rose, I thought you threw the rest of that alcohol away!" she chastised.

Having the decency to look somewhat ashamed, Rose explained. "Well, it CAN be used for medicinal purposes, and—"

"No, no, this is perfect!" Dave cut in, grinning. "We can make this Truth, Dare, or DRINK! Good thinking, Rose!"

Kanaya still looked doubtful. "Yes, but…"

"Don't worry, Kanaya, this is REALLY the last of it!" Rose promised. "At least now, it'll go towards something and be done with."

"Okay, if we're going to be playing this fucking game, somebody explain the gogdamn rules!" Karkat snapped, crossing his arms. Roxy grinned, getting everyone's attention.

"The game is SUPER simple," she said. "You spin the bottle, and whoever it lands on, you ask them Truth or Dare. If they don't do the dare, or speak the truth, then they have to take a swig. Game ends when the booze bottle's empty, and the drunkest person loses. The one with the most dares completed and truths told is the winner!"

"….that sounds totally asinine, and I fucking hate Egbert for suggesting it," Karkat said, glowering.

John didn't seem to notice, chugging down the rest of the Faygo and putting the bottle in the middle of them all. "Since it's Rose's birthday, she gets to spin first!" he said, hovering in place, it seemed, from sheer giddiness alone. Rose smiled and reached over, spinning the bottle until it pointed to Terezi.

"Okay, Terezi. Truth, or Dare?"

Terezi thought for a moment. "Hmmmmmm….I pick…..TRUTH!" she cackled.

"Okay, Truth." Rose thought for a moment. "…right. Was it YOU that stole Dave's underwear and put it in Karkat's room?"

Terezi laughed. "Okay, you got me! Yes, it was!"

"You see, man, I TOLD you I didn't do it!" Dave muttered to Karkat, who had the decency to blush. Terezi laughed at Karkat's expense, spinning the bottle until it landed on John. "Oooh, John! Truth, or Dare?"

"Dare!" John said, puffing his chest out in bravado.

Terezi snickered, taking a moment. "…Okay, John. I DARE you…..to SIT ON KARKAT'S LAP FOR TWO TURNS!"

John was about to get up when a look of ULTIMATE MURDEROUS INTENT was sent to him by Karkat, and suddenly John felt that God Tier or not, sitting on Karkat's lap would probably lead to a death he couldn't come back from, and instead grabbed the bottle and took a swig. "UGH, this stuff is RANK!" He wiped his mouth, spinning the bottle until it landed on Gamzee. "…..Um….Truth or Dare?"

Gamzee thought for a moment. "…..Dare, motherfucker," he replied.

"Okay, Gamzee, I DARE you to wipe your makeup off for the whole game!"

Gamzee sat there for a few moments before taking the bottle and knocking back a swig of his own, and a sigh of relief echoed through the room.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, the game was still in full swing, and even Karkat was enjoying himself. So far, everyone had been embarrassed, forced to confess something, or was in a compromising position.

Highlights of the game included Karkat being Dared to give Dave a lap dance (it only lasted ten seconds, but it still counted), Kanaya telling the Truth of having had a 'snack' from everyone in the room (bar John), and Jake being Dared to switch clothes with Vriska (though truthfully, Tavrosprite did that more out of spite to Vriska than anything).

Vriska looked as though she wished she could stuff Tavrosprite down the sink drain and turn on the disposal, finding it hard to find a way to sit that didn't leave her feeling exposed, shooting dirty looks at Jake, who looked quite comfortable in her clothes. She had gotten some of her dignity back by Daring John to kiss her for a full thirty seconds, one of the very FEW Dares John had even participated in.

John had taken more swigs from the bottle than anyone, proving that while he was a master of dishing out great Dares and Truths, he was a total wuss at taking them. For the past twenty minutes alone, the bottle was almost exclusively by his side, and he was looking pretty dozy after a few swigs of the stuff.

Jane had just finished Daring Karkat to recite—from memory—a whole scene from one of his torrid BlackRom novels he kept hidden in his room, making everyone burst out laughing.

"GAWD, yer all so motherfuckin' LOUD!"

Everyone stopped laughing, sending surprised looks at John, who was rubbing his temples. Rose winced, shaking his shoulder. "…you alright there, John?" she asked. John swatted at her hand—missing twice.

"Fine, Rose, 'm fine, SO fuckin' fine," he replied. "Karkat, spin th' motherfuckin' bottle, you loud-mouthed piece o' candy-corn shit."

A bit too disturbed to call John out on the insult, Karkat spun it, snorting when it landed on John. "Alright Egbert, Truth or Dare?" he sneered. John gave him an unfocused glower.

"Bring th' fuckin' Dare ON, bro!" he shot back.

"Alright, Egbert, I DARE you to have sloppy makeouts with the most aesthetically pleasing person in the room!" He grinned. "You gonna cluckbeastshit out again like a fucking coward?" He cut off when John jumped to his feet, a breeze picking up.

"I AM NOT CHICKENSHIT, YOU SON OF A PALESLUT! YEAH! YO MOMMA GOT SO MANY FRIENDS, SHE'S FUCKED AAAAAAAAALL THE MOTHERFUCKIN' PALE QUADRANT! WHAT NOW, NUBBY-HORN BULGESUCKER!? GO DRINK OUTTA A PAIL, MOTHERFUCKER!"

That said, he reached over and yoinked Karkat in, planting a clumsy, indeed sloppy kiss on him, one-sidedly making out for a few moments before leaning back, whispering conspiringly. "…..I could like…TOTALLY be a LITTLE homosexual for you, bro. For SERIOUS."

"….." Rose reached over and dumped out the rest of the alcohol. "Oh wow, look at that, the booze is gone, game over!" She scooped John up and slung him over her shoulder. "Sorry John, you lost."

"THE FUCK I DID! YOU LOST! THE GAME! HA! YOU LOOOOOOOOOOSE!" He continued to flail and shout about 'The Game' as Rose carried him off somewhere to knock him out and let him sleep it off, his display of drunkenness being ALL the incentive she would ever need to never touch the stuff again.

While everyone else hurried to sort out everything back to normal—including Vriska having to track Jake down to get her pants back—Karkat just sat there slack-jawed and Spade-eyed, until the sound of Gamzee having a laughing-honk fit snapped him out of it.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, GAMZEE!"

He stood up and ran to his respiteblock to rinse out his mouth and attempt to get several very wrong, very confusing thoughts out of his head. And hide his BlackRom novels better.


	3. Until Someone Loses a Hand

**It's All Fun and Games…**

"… _ **Until Someone Loses a Hand"**_

John was sitting in the nutritionblock with a cold cloth on his head, groaning into the counter while Rose was looking around the medicine cabinet to make a makeshift hangover remedy. "I'm God Tier, why does this hurt so MUCH?" he wailed.

"A hangover is pretty much the closest thing to death your brain can get," Rose replied. "So you have to get rid of it the old-fashioned way. But I have to admit, your display of drunkenness was quite the birthday gift."

John groaned again. "Glad me making a total dick of myself was entertaining," he mumbled.

Rose gave him a wry smile and a pat on the shoulder. "…Sure, John. That's the gift. Here." She pushed a glass of water in front of him, dropping a blue fizzy tablet into it. John took the glass and sipped it, grimacing.

"Ugh, it tastes like fish tank water!" He signed, still sipping it, not caring if it was toilet water used to baptize Caliborn's bitchy green ass by this point, ANYTHING to stop this migraine.

Dirk walked in, taking one look at John and breaking into totally uncool (NOT) giggles he would deny to the end of time, fishing around for a drink. "Way to guzzle it down, John," he remarked. "It only took, what, seven sips?"

"Knock it off, Dirk," Rose huffed. "I have it on good word that you like to hug people and sing love songs when YOU'RE drunk, at least John grows some badass balls."

Dirk blushed, but left with one last thrust of the proverbial sword. "Yeah, but at least I don't have sloppy makeouts with Trolls when I get drunk." He dodged the crushed can Rose threw at his head, scooting out laughing at the sound of John's anguished screams into his hood.

* * *

John would have stayed locked in a closet or even Windy-Zapped into some desolate nothingness rather than go out and face everyone, but Rose insisted he just get it over with and practically shoved him into the rec area.

Dave took one look at him and started cracking up with Terezi.

"Oh, I can smell how red his face is from here!" she laughed, almost falling off of her chair.

Vriska looked more than a little put out, especially considering Karkat's dare had been to kiss 'the most aesthetically pleasing' one in the room, and oh wow, BlowtotheEgox8 right there. So she wasn't really happy with John at the moment. "Hey, John, do you still have a hangover?" she asked.

"…a little yeah, why—" John grabbed his head and groaned loudly when Vriska used one of Gamzee's horns to aggravate it even more. "WHAT THE HELL, VRISKA!?"

"Call it punishment, Johnny-boy." She stood up and walked out in a huff.

"…PUNISHMENT FOR WHAT!? I'm already being punished with this killer migraine…" John sat down, sipping from the large bottle of water he carried with him, then shoved Dave off his chair with a gust of wind. "And stop laughing, you dick!"

Dave sat up, snickering. "Chillax, John, not like you're the first person to kiss a Troll around here." He got back into his seat. "…you ARE the first one to kiss a Troll after getting shitfaced and calling him a…what was it? 'Nubby-horned bulgesucker'? Seriously, John, you're a RIOT when you're drunk!"

John scowled at Dave. "Eat shit and die, Dave." He sat back, totally NOT pouting. "So where is everyone?"

Terezi grinned. "Well after your little BlackRom display, Vriska chased down Bananahammock to get her clothes back…she gave him a really good kick in the ass. Karkat locked himself in his respiteblock."

Dave snorted. "Probably jerking it to his BlackRom fantasies," he said, making John turn dark red.

"Dave, I swear to God—"

Dirk walked in, saving Dave from whatever threat that loomed on the horizon. "Yo, Dave, you busy…" He trailed off, smirking at John, who yanked his hood down to hide his face. "…Well, if you're DONE being busy, you up for some poker? Roxy's Voided us up a deck."

"Sure thing," Dave replied, standing. "Did she Void up some beer, I'm sure John would—" He proceeded to get gust-blown ass over tit into the couch.

Dirk laughed, giving John a good-natured smack on the back. "Ease up, John, we're just making fun of you like friends DO when other friends royally fuck up. Make fun and move on too. And you ever play poker?"

After righting Dave and inviting up Terezi, the small group headed into the library, the only place with a table big enough to accommodate everyone who was playing, which included Rose, Roxy, Jake, Dirk, Dave, Terezi, Kanaya, John, Vriska, and, surprisingly, Karkat.

John scooted to the opposite end of the table and Kanaya snatched Karkat by the back of the shirt to keep him from bolting. "Be mature, Karkat, honestly," she said, her lips twitching from the effort it took to not laugh at his expense.

"Alright, are all you ladies and gents ready to lose?" Jake said, expertly shuffling the cards, looking confident. Vriska snorted.

"Just deal them out, Jape," she scoffed, drumming her fingers on the table. Jake scowled, then started dealing out the cards, having explained the rules to everyone unfamiliar to them.

Karkat picked up his cards, staring, still not used to Quadrant symbols being used as gameplay suits, arranging them like Dave had taught him how to do some time ago, throwing two cards and having Jake deal him back two. He glanced around at the table.

Terezi was sniffing at her cards, not throwing any.

Vriska either had no poker face, or was REALLY that good at hoofbeastshitting her displeasure as she threw three cards.

Those damn Striders and their poker faces. Just…..fucking damn them.

Both Lalondes had their Resting Bitchfaces on, and tossed no cards.

Oh boy, Kanaya had a major tell with her glowing…

John…..ugh, fucking John. The idiot was chewing his lip into next week, fingers poising over two different cards as though deciding which ones to toss. Oh gog, this guy was going down hard.

Everyone made their second rounds before it was time to show.

"Oh wait!" John piped up, making almost everyone drop concentration. "What are we betting on?"

Dave's evil smirk made Karkat regret coming out of his respiteblock. "Oh, we're not betting with money or anything like that. This is STRIP poker."

Roxy almost threw her cards at Dave's face. "Dave, you suck!" she shouted. The Knight only snickered and shrugged.

"Hey, it's just making it more interesting! C'mon, chances are we'll never really have another opportunity to see each other naked ever again."

"Speak for yourself," Kanaya muttered, making Rose go bright red. "Whatever, I'm game for it."

"Same here," Jake said. "It's all in good fun, really!"

"Careful, Jape," Vriska hissed, "You have less clothing to worry about than the rest of us." HA! THAT wiped that grin off his face.

"UGH! FINE! FUCK!" Karkat growled. "You wanna see my bulge so badly, fine!" He laid down his cards. "There, straight, in hearts—EGBERT SHUT UP, YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT I FUCKING MEAN!" He glowered at John, who was cracking up on his side of the table.

Everyone else laid down their cards. Nothing, nothing, nada—the FUCK. John fucking Egbert's hand won with four of a kind.

"You're fucking kidding me," Dirk said, staring at the cards. John just grinned.

"Lucky hand, I guess," he said, shrugging, then leaned back in his chair. "Alright losers, strip!"

Vriska muttered about stupid Kanaya confiscating her dice before the game, throwing her glasses onto the table as Jake took off his hooded cape, everyone else adding something onto the pile. Stupid John Egbert and his stupid lucky hand. She'd show him what luck was!

Several plays later, and everyone was pissed and blushing varying degrees of blood color, and vowing retribution against Jake and John.

Jake had—thankfully—not gotten down any further than his cape, shoes, and socks, while John only gave up his hood. Everyone else, on the other hand, were not so lucky.

Vriska was flushed blue, mostly out of humiliation at the two dweebs outlucking her, down to just her shirt and undergarments. Dirk and Dave were down to boxers and shades, Roxy to her bra and panties, Rose to her bra and God Tier pants, and Terezi down to just her boxers, not caring a lick about her near-nudity at all.

Karkat was right on tier with Terezi, sweating bullets and PRAYING to whatever god was listening that his hand would win, just for ONCE. Even Gamzee's fucking gods would work! He discarded one card and nearly screamed with joy when he settled in his new card. It was a perfect hand, a 'flush' as Dave put it.

"Alright, let's see 'em!" John announced, making several somebodies want to slug him across the face, it was so smug.

Fed up with losing, Karkat slapped his cards down. "THERE!" he screeched, almost hysterical with delight. "FUCKING FLUSH, YOU STUPID SMUG FUCKS! BEAT THAT! FUCKING BEAT THAT!"

Jake and John spared a look with each other, Jake sighing, setting his cards down. "Only had two pair," he said glumly, tugging off his outer shirt and setting it onto the pile. Karkat sneered, looking at John.

"Well, you nooksniffer, you gonna lay down?" he challenged.

John sighed, looking at his cards. "….wow," he said. "A flush. Cant beat that." He glumly contemplated his cards, then glanced up, smirking, and Karkat felt the grin on his own face drop like a sack of hammers.

"…Except with a Royal Flush in hearts." He turned his hand, showing off his cards. "And I believe that's off with the boxers, and total loss to you."

Karkat stared at the cards and the ramification of their existence, suddenly thinking getting sloppy makeouts from a drunken Asshole of Booze-Breath was a really good deal right now. "Okay, you fucking won, good for you, I'm out!" He stood up.

"No way, Karkat," Jake said, his stupid grin mirroring John's. "Rules are rules. You strip, and you do it with dignity!"

"How the FUCK does someone strip with DIGNITY at a time like—" Terezi's boxers landing on the clothing pile cut him off, the table thankfully hiding anything he kind of didn't want or need to see right now.

"Don't know why you're bitching, Karkat, this is kinda liberating. I should strip naked ALL the time!" Terezi said, stretching.

"I will shove your cane down your throat, Pyrope," Vriska hissed, turning blue as she tugged off her shirt, not in any way, shape, or form going to coward out on this stupid game. Everyone else shed their items, the Striders now looking particularly red.

"C'mon, Karkat, off with the shorts!" Jake said. "Be a good sport about it, you can get your clothes back in no time at all!"

Karkat was seriously about to blow a gasket here. He swallowed hard, his fingers flexing at the hem of his boxers, but still hesitating.

"….What, Vantas, you need a little help there?" Vriska purred, snickering.

"Fucking come near me, and I swear I'll turn all these nice fucking clothes blue," Karkat growled back, then clenched his teeth, shoved down his boxers, and threw them onto the pile.

Totally (im)mature giggling from around the table made him wish he could seriously fucking DIE right now. He wasn't gonna look at anyone, he wasn't gonna look at anyone—

"HOLY SHIT, IS THAT WHAT TROLL THINGS LOOK LIKE!?"

Fucking John Egbert.

Just…

FUCK.

Karkat grabbed the nearest piece of clothing—he didn't bother looking at which one—and used it to cover himself, rushing out of the room, indeed showing even Trolls can blush all over.

As everyone else laughed or called it quits for the game and fished out their clothing, John was sitting back, red in the face. Dave tugged on his clothing, patting John's shoulder.

"Hey, don't worry about it, I pretty much had the SAME reaction when I first saw one," he said, nodding sagely.

"I didn't," Rose said, calmly pulling her shirt on.

"Fucking good for you Rose. Anyway, just chill, he'll get over it."

"…it's not that," John said, still blushing.

"Then what the fuck IS it, John?"

"…he took my hood with him."


	4. Until Someone Finds Your Porn

**It's All Fun and Games…**

"… _ **Until Someone Finds Your Porn."**_

If having to A) strip down in front of everyone, B) have his 'thing' called out in a WTF manner, or C) run out without his clothes wasn't horrifyingly humiliating enough, it wasn't until Karkat got back to his respiteblock that he realized the article of clothing currently covering his crotch was in fact John fucking Egbert's stupid fucking windsock of a hood.

Somehow, he felt incredibly violated by having that thing touch his bulge, and debated on the pros and cons of power-fucking a bottle of acid to get the dirty feeling out of his system.

He settled on a shower with thorough scrubbing.

Karkat was just pulling on some fresh clothing when someone knocked on his door. Gog, if it was fucking Egbert, he was going to drive his foot so far up the human's ass he'd taste the stuck-on soda gunk on his tongue—

"Karkat, bro, open up, it's me." Oh, Dave. Somewhat better. He opened the door, and Dave was standing there, holding his clothes. "…you alright, buddy?" Dave asked, losing the 'ironic' tone. Karkat bit back a sigh, taking his clothing from his moirail and throwing them into the wash tube.

"I'm fucking fine, just gogdamn peachy-keen," Karkat bit out, crossing his arms petulantly, sitting down hard on his couch. "Not like I just got fucking humiliated, my bulge pointed and laughed at, and hightailing it back to my respiteblock like a cluckbeast with its head cut right the fuck off! I'm SUPER!"

Dave sat down, papping Karkat on the shoulder. "He wasn't pointing and laughing, Karkat, he's never seen one before, and it's not like he's the most subtle of people…"

Karkat scoffed. "Yeah. And hell's not the most mild of climates, and Vriska's not the least bitchy of people." He sat back, huffing, his face still red. Dave snorted softly.

"Look, if it makes you feel any better, he's totally embarrassed with how he acted, and I'm SURE he'd like to apologize. Why don't you just buck up and let him?"

Karkat thought it over for a moment, thinking of giving it a shot, when his nose twitched, getting a scent of fresh air nearby. "EGBERT, I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! FUCK OFF BEFORE I SICKLE OUT YOUR GOGDAMN SPHINCTER, YOU FUCKASS BUCKET OF NOOKULAR DISCHARGE!"

There was a loud yelp and scurrying sounds down the hall. Dave gave Karkat a look. "Nice, Karkat. Really nice. Top prize, you couldn't have been any more of a dick than that. Congratu-fucking-lations."

Karkat scowled, crossing his arms again, looking away to hide the GLIMMER of guilt on his face, but knew Dave saw it anyway. "….Fine, I'll let the fuckass apologize. But I whether I accept or not depends on how genuine he is!"

"Fair enough." Dave papped Karkat on the head. "We're making some brilliant progress with your unbearability, moirail of mine."

"Suck my ass and die on just how little shit it gives, Strider."

* * *

John glumly walked through the compound, finding it pretty hard to fly when he was feeling so down. Darn it, he didn't MEAN to just blurt out like that, but JEEZE, even knowing Karkat was an alien, that was EASILY the most alien thing to see that reminded him of the fact. Still, Karkat could just let him apologize!

He rounded the corner and smacked face-first into a tall someone's chest, jumping back when he heard them loudly _**HONK**_. "Eep!"—he TOTALLY didn't just eep—"Ehhh….heh, sorry about that, Gamzee."

Gamzee stared down at the blue dude called John, looking suspicious for a moment before easing up just a LITTLE. Little bro wasn't here to drag him back to the spidery uber-bitch. "'Sup, motherfucker," he said. "Out walkin' alone?"

John was completely aware of how ominous that kind of sounded, but didn't really find the will to care at the moment. "Yeah," he said, his voice getting more depressed. "I upset Karkat, and now he wont talk to me."

Gamzee scowled. He too had felt the burn of the angry bro's disdainful cold shoulder. "Man, forget that motherfucker," he griped. "His head's so far up his own motherfucking ass he cant see nothin' but shit. Gutterblooded motherfucking piece of—"

"Whoa, chillax with the blood slurs, Gamzee," John said. "We can totally rip on him being a jerk without bringing blood color into it. Come on, think of something other than his blood color. You can do it!"

….huh. Little blue motherfucker had a point. He tipped his head to the side, scratching at his scalp, sloshing through his think pan for something. Ooh, look, a shiny idea! "Motherfucker keeps talkin' about bein' a fucking 'master of relationships', but he just quotes from his motherfucking romance novels like a squawkbeast."

"….romance novels?" John started snickering. "Wait, he actually has more than ONE?" Gamzee nodded.

"SHIT-tons of 'em, motherfucker," he replied. "Told me so himself." He watched in amusement as John burst out laughing, levitating in the air on sheer mirth alone, his nose twitching when his senses were assaulted by the smell of fresh air. Fresh seaside air. Kinda made him miss his old hive.

"Oh MAN, that's SO perfect!" John laughed, wiping tears from his eyes. "You're alright, Gamzee, I don't care what anyone says." He straightened up, patting Gamzee's shoulder.

Gamzee grinned. "Really," he said. "Glad you motherfucking think so. Hoard a couple of motherfucking bodies, and SUDDENLY you're the BAD GUY!" His volume started fluxuating. "HOOFBEAST MOTHERFUCKER DIDN'T KNOW HIS MOTHERFUCKIN' PLACE and the kittybitch motherfuckin' attacked me first—"

John papped Gamzee's shoulder again. "Deep breaths, Gamzee. Geeze, you should practice yoga or something. Now, shoosh and help me figure out a way to utilize my Prankster's Gambit in the ultimate height of hilarity."

Gamzee blinked, the papping combined with that one 'shoosh' making the decidedly unmirthful thoughts simmer down. "Uhh….okay," he said, absently papping John's head in return. "…Your head is motherfuckin' nice, John-bro. Bet it's nice an' easy to motherfucking carry."

"Yeah, yeah, funny airhead joke. Now come on, we have shenanigans to do!"

* * *

Although Dave said John was just probably holed up somewhere moping, Karkat couldn't help but feel a horrible sense of foreboding at John's complete and utter lack of presence. No little unexplained breezes, no smell of fresh air…it was like he 'Windy-Zapped' away.

Karkat walked into the common area, slumping down on the couch, his personal sulk-party interrupted when Vriska ran in, skidding to a halt, looking like she was putting on a pissed off face to hide terror. "Okay, don't want to like, alarm anyone, but has ANYONE seen Gamzee around? Heard a honk? ANYTHING!?"

Everyone promptly shut up, looking at her with emotions ranging from terror to mild interest.

"So the stupid clown is roaming around, what's the big deal?" Dirk said, turning the page of an Alternian comic book he bummed off of Terezi, yelping when Kanaya whapped him in the back of the head hard enough to askew his shades.

"The BIG DEAL is that the LAST time he vanished like this, TWO of us ended up being KILLED by him!" she snapped. "He's COMPLETELY unstable when he's sober!"

Dirk rubbed his head, scowling. "Then alchemize up some goddamn weed and let the juggalo toke it up! In fact, let's ALL toke the roof offa this shit! There, I solved ALL of our problems—!"

"How the FUCK are weeds supposed to calm him down!?" Karkat shouted, jumping up, starting to freak out. "ALSO, JOHN FUCK-MOTHERING EGBERT IS MISSING OUT THERE!" He clenched his hands into his hair, immediately thinking that the last thing he said to John wasn't something he really wanted to repeat. "WHAT IF GAMZEE GOT A HOLD OF HIM!?"

"Okay, we all need to calm the fuck down!" Rose said. "Let's just split up and go look for them!"

"OH YES! FUCKING BRILLIANT, LALONDE!" Karkat screeched. "LET'S ALL SPLIT UP AND MAKE IT SOOOOOO MUCH MORE FUCKING EASY FOR THE INSANE CHUCKLEFUCK TO PICK US OFF ONE BY ONE AND ADD OUR HEADS TO HIS FANCY FUCKING COLLECTION IN THE GOGDAMN FRIDGE—"

Dave did everyone a favor by slapping Karkat in the face to break him out of his hysteria, followed by calming shooshpaps. "Karkat, deep breaths before you pass out and make the insane chucklefuck's job easier. Rose is right, we'll cover more ground, and most of us are God Tier anyway. As long as no one tries to be a hero, JAKE."

Jake scowled. "Speak for yourself, you—"

Vriska pulled at her hair, letting out a strained groan of annoyance that did absolutely shit in hiding her unease. "GAAAAAAAAWD, shut UP! Let's just hurry and FIND the assclown!" She grabbed up Roxy and Jake, dragging them off.

"Why am I on YOUR search team?!" Jake whined.

"I need a meat shield."

"MEAT SHIELD!? WHY, I—"

* * *

Meanwhile, John and Gamzee proceeded to poke around Karkat's respiteblock, gathering up whatever novels they could find.

"Oh my GOD!" John laughed, cracking up every time Gamzee translated the synopsis on the back of each book. "HOW can he seriously read these?!"

"You should hear the motherfucker EXPLAIN this shit," Gamzee replied, opening a drawer and pulling out another book, then picked up a notebook that was underneath, flipping through it. "…Put the brakes on the motherfuckin' rom-train, John-bro, I have found the motherfuckin' HOLY GRAIL." He translated a few lines of it, all the while John's face looking more and more like he was slowly seeing the very face of God Himself.

"Gamzee."

"Yeah, motherfucker?"

"My Prankster's Gambit is at full capacity right now."

"Fuckin' aye, brother."

* * *

Terezi stuck with John and Dave, listening out around corners before proceeding, passing by Karkat's respiteblock and pausing, sniffing the air.

"What is it, Lassie? Timmy fall down the well?" Dave said, smirking. Terezi rolled her eyes, peeking inside Karkat's respiteblock.

"No, idiot. I smell Gamzee's scent in here."

Karkat visibly paled, clenching his hands around his sickles, peeking around the doorframe, sighing with relief when he didn't see any sign of Gamzee. "…Why the fuck would he be in MY respiteblock?" he said, gingerly peeking behind some furniture.

"Maybe he was hoping you would be hiding out in here all alone, making it THAT much easier to jump you and gut your intestines out all over the place—"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, TEREZI!" Karkat was turning an interesting shade of green-red at the thought. He jumped with a definite shriek of fright when the intercom played back some loud feedback.

 _*tap tap tap*_ _"Hello? This motherfucker on?"_ Karkat's hair stood on end when he heard Gamzee's voice on the intercom. _"Aw yeah, shit's on. Listen up, motherfuckers, because I got some motherfuckin' entertainment to spit at all you's in the audience, and trust me, you peasantbloods will be spewin' ALL the motherfuckin' rainbows at this shit!"_ There was the sound of him clearing his throat, and Karkat had the fleeting thought of having to hear John's screams of agony as Gamzee was gutting him of his entrails—

 _ **"'Karkat watched as Terezi lazily sucked on her grubsauce-covered claw, savoring the sight of such an erotic display of redrom in front of everyone in the feedingblock. How absolutely sinful her teasing was, like she KNEW Karkat was watching—"**_ A short interruption to shoosh at high-pitched giggles in the background. _**"—and oh, how he wished it was his mouth that was sucking on that finger. He felt a stirring in his loins, a passion too Red to deny much longer—"**_ Another interruption as Gamzee's voice cracked slightly. _"Shut the fuck up Johnbro, you're makin' me motherfuckin' crack…!"_

Dave and Terezi as one turned to look at Karkat, who was staring gaping into nothing, his face about as bright red as it could possibly get. It was too shocking to even find it that funny.

"….DUDE," was all Dirk could say.

* * *

What was said next in Karkat's romfiction notebook was drowned out by the sound of what HAD to be on record for possibly the Second Sermon of the Vast Explicative, screamed in a tone of the Blackest of Roms with the wrath of a thousand Subjugglators. And yea, The Bard of Rage and Heir of Breath continued to speaketh out the Lascivious RomFiction for all to hear until the Knight of Blood barged in and proceeded to whoopeth their gogdamn asses right the fuck into next perigree. T'was then Knight and Heir called truce, and Bard honked agony. All was heard over the intercom, and mirth was displayed by all listening in attendance.

And it was good.


	5. Until Someone Eats the Pot Brownies

**It's All Fun and Games…**

"… _ **Until Someone Eats the Pot Brownies."**_

John and Gamzee sat brooding on the couch, looking like a pair of ten-year-olds that just got busted for snooping around Daddy's Playboy collection. John was sporting a black eye while Gamzee was trying to find a way to sit that didn't irritate his bruised tailbone. Fuck, when the tiny ball of motherfucking wrath said he was gonna kick your ass, he really meant he would KICK your motherfucking ass.

They were getting quite a bit of sympathy, but no help whatsoever from everyone else. What laughter everyone HAD started was instantly quelled at the sound of Karkat's blood-curdling, sphincter-clenching scream, followed quickly by the sound of John and Gamzee begging for mercy, a symphony of agony emphasized by the timbre of girlish screams from John, loud honks from Gamzee, and a string of mile-a-minute explicatives without breath from Karkat

The sight of Karkat dragging the battered and bruised pranksters behind him, huffing and growling like a winded hornbeast gave everyone the miraculous sense to NOT SAY A FUCKING WORD.

John leaned back on the couch, having been told to STAY there with Gamzee while Karkat collected up his novels and romfiction notebooks, with the threat ultimate agony possibly resulting in limb loss if they got up, rubbing his head. "…I think I need ice for this black eye," he muttered.

Gamzee finally found some comfort leaning face-down over the arm of the couch, groaning at the pain in his whole body. "…My motherfuckin' assbone hurts," he groaned into the arm of the couch, eliciting a pat on the leg in sympathy from John.

"My Prankster's Gambit didn't pay out, buddy," he replied. "We dun fucked up." He paused, staring at his hand for a moment before getting an idea, making a soft whirly-ball of wind and willing it to be as cold as a winter gust, pressing it to his eye. "Heh, cheat code."

Gamzee whined. "No fuckin' fair, blue brother," he griped. John glanced over at him, dubious.

"...Uh, listen, you're like, my best prank-buddy and all, but I'm NOT touching your ass. Seriously, ANYWHERE else."

"…motherfucker DID kick me in the—"

"NOT THERE EITHER!"

Roxy and Jane had walked in in the height of that conversation, and at that point broke into giggles, making John jump and Gamzee honk. "Relax, John, we brought the ice and antiseptic," Roxy said. "No unmanly touching of butts and bulges for you."

"Ugh, shut up, Roxy…" John grumbled, turning red. Both girls laughed again, setting out some stuff for them to dab on their cuts, tying some ice into a bag.

"At least we know you wont be getting into anymore shenanigans with that tailbone busted," Jane said, putting the bag on Gamzee's backside, making him jerk and hiss angrily at her, taking a swipe at her head.

"THAT MOTHERFUCKIN' HURTS YOU MOTHERFUCKIN'—"

John leaned over and papped at Gamzee's back. "Easy there, buddy. Shoosh yourself down. There we go, shooooooosh."

Roxy and Jane exchanged a knowing glance, watching Gamzee settle down into the couch and let out a long, soft honk. John smiled and readjusted the ice pack. "There. We cant pull off awesome pranks with a broken butt, can we?" Gamzee just gurgled into the couch arm.

"…maybe Dirk was right. Maybe we COULD alchemize up some weed for him," Jane said, not pleased with almost having her face clawed off. At the look she got from Roxy and John, she huffed. "What, couldn't hurt! We could even sneak it into some brownies, since I'm pretty sure Trolls don't know the meaning of 'rolling a blunt'."

"…..HOW do you KNOW these things!?" Roxy demanded. Jane shrugged, unapologetic.

"I'm gonna do it," she said, heading off. Roxy stared after her before tailing after.

"SERIOUSLY! HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS?!"

John blinked, putting his cold-air compress back over his eye. "….Jesus Christ, my Nanna's weird," he muttered.

Gamzee just honked.

* * *

"I cant believe you're actually doing this," Roxy grumbled, massaging her temples. "You're REALLY doing this."

Jane rolled her eyes, stirring the brownie batter up before adding some of the alchemized weed she scrounged up from alchemizing a houseplant with a photograph of a marijuana plant she managed to convince Roxy to Void up in place of the actual plant itself. "Hey, it's not like I'm feeding them to EVERYONE," she replied. "Worst case scenario, they don't to shit to his head, and we throw the rest away before Vriska can use them for tomfoolery."

Roxy just groaned, putting her face in her hands, keeping them there as Jane spread out the batter and popped it into the oven, putting on the timer. "I swear, we'd better not get contact highs off the fumes…"

"That's not how it works, Roxy."

"YOU'RE STILL NOT TELLING ME HOW YOU KNOW THESE THINGS, JANE!"

"Don't worry about it."

"BUT—"

"Shush. Don't worry about it."

Roxy groaned, burying her face in her arms, not moving until the timer went off and Jane took the brownies out, cutting them into squares and sitting them out of the way to let them cool. "Come on, we should at LEAST tell everyone else what's going on."

"We should have told them BEFORE we started making pot brownies, Jane. You KNOW Dirk and Dave wont stop calling you 'Mary Jane' after this, right?"

They left the kitchen, still arguing over the stupid brownies.

Less than two minutes later, Karkat came in to rummage around for a soda, pausing when his nose twitched at the scent of the cooling brownies on the counter. They didn't smell like the usual shit Jane cooked up, but it wasn't BAD. He reached out and took one from the pile, nibbling it.

Not bad at ALL. Didn't even have that overwhelming chocolate taste she usually had in her sweets. He shoved the rest of the brownie into his mouth before grabbing his soda and heading back out, doubling back to grab another handful. Or two. Fuck it. He grabbed the plate and walked out. She could always make more.

* * *

By the time Jane had told most everyone and waited impatiently as the humans cracked right the fuck up, calmed down enough to explain to the Trolls, and then had to wait for THEM to finish cracking up, Jane said they should probably get the brownies to Gamzee before they started to go stale.

Jane ignored the almost-insane giggling from Dave and headed back into the kitchen. "And NO, I'm NOT making them for EVERYONE, so don't even ask…" She trailed off, looking at the counter. "…Oh ha-fucking-ha, Dave! Give them back!"

"I don't have 'em," Dave replied, still snickering. "Trust me, if I had them, you'd KNOW."

"Well you're certainly acting like a giggling stoner right now, you ass!" she growled. "Stop fucking around and give them back!"

"I told you, I don't have the goddamn brownies!" Dave shot back, this time serious. Roxy groaned loudly.

"I TOLD you this was gonna be bad, Jane!" she wailed. Jane scowled.

"Okay you asses, who took them?" she demanded of everyone.

Vriska smirked. "None of us, Jane," she said. "All of us were in the rec room when you told us."

"Pretty much everyone except John, Gamzee, Karkat, and Tavrosprite were there," Jake put in helpfully. "Personally, I'd put my bottom dollar on John taking them, but that's just me."

"Ugh, of COURSE John took them!" Dirk put in. "If there's ANY way he can crank up his Prankster's Gambit, he'll do it."

"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure Karkat told him not to move from the couch on threat of losing a limb," Kanaya reminded everyone.

"Oh, like THAT would stop John…"

"I dunno, Karkat made a PRETTY convincing ultimatum…"

Jane ignored the peanut gallery, stalking down to the library where John was sitting where she last left him.

"…so I tried to finish off my piano recital by smashing a watermelon with a hammer, and the director told my dad I was to never show my face around there again—"

"JOHN FUCKING EGBERT!"

On reflex of the 'J-F-E' usually being screamed by Karkat, John jerked upright and prepared to Windy-Zap out to escape, but sighed when he saw it was Jane. "Oh, it's just you," John said, exhaling hard. "You almost have me a heart attack—" He eeped when Jane jerked him up by the shirt.

"WHERE DID YOU PUT THE BROWNIES, JOHN?!" she demanded. "TELL ME OR I'M TELLING KARKAT YOU WERE DOING MORE PRANKS!"

John flailed, going pale. "What? NO! I didn't take anything, Jane! I've been here this whole time! Tell her, Gamzee!"

Snore-honks were the only answer he received.

"….dude, you suck." John was dropped down on the couch. "Seriously, Jane, I haven't moved for the past hour! I swear on Nic Cage!"

Damn. John would never swear on Nic Cage if he wasn't serious. "Craaaaaaaap!" Jane groaned, pulling at her hair. "And the fucking clown is asleep from your boring stories, I'm pretty sure HE didn't take them!"

"Hey—"

"Ugh, whatever!" Vriska griped. "I'll go track down Tavrosprite and wring the confession out of him." She headed off.

Dave started snickering again, though the situation had lost most of its initial hilarity by this point. "Holler if you find 'em," he told Jane. "I'm ollie-outies." He headed off for his room, frowning when he heard music coming from Karkat's respiteblock. It wasn't anything Alternian, it sounded like something from one of his 'ironic' mix CDs that Karkat normally labeled 'ABSOLUTE ASS-SLUDGE'.

As he got closer, he recognized the song as MGMT's 'Electric Feel', a song Karkat said, and he quoted, 'makes me want to stab myself in the fucking head until the sound of my brain oozing out of my ears drowns out this repugnant pile of fuckall'. He knocked on the door. "…Karkat? You alright in there?" No answer. He cracked open the door and peeked inside.

Karkat had the stereo blasting out the music, flopped belly-first and shirtless onto the beanbag chair Dave convinced him to get 'for therapy purposes', his pupils so dilated it was almost frightening, using his clawtips to pick up brownie crumbs and drop them onto his tongue. He looked up, a wide, HAPPY grin spreading across his face.

"Daaaaaaaaave!" he greeted, rolling off of the beanbag chair onto his back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. "…woah…..headrush…." He giggled loudly. "...heh, lookit all the COLORS..."

"….Karkat?" Dave said, staring. "…YOU took the brownies?"

Karkat sat up, still grinning. "Shiiiiiiiiit, Dave, these aren't BROWNIES, best bro. They're HAPPIES. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES." He stood up, swaying in place before pitching forward, hugging Dave around the middle. "You're like, my best fuckin' bro, brooooooooo."

Dave totally didn't squeak, trying to pry Karkat off of him. "Karkat, you're high off your fucking ass!" he cried. "Let go, so we can detox you out or something!"

"Don't wannaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Karkat whined, hugging Dave's middle tighter. "Sit on th' fuckin' beanbag with me, an' we'll totally rap about FEELINGS. I…..am FEELING, Dave! SO MANY FEELINGS!" He jerked upright, picking Dave up right along with him, backpedaling to the beanbag chair. "I want to share 'em AAAAAAAAAAALL with you, Daaaaaaaaaaaaaave!"

"JAAAAAAAAAAAAANE! GODDAMNIT JANE, GET IN HERE!" Dave shouted, flailing. "JANE!"

* * *

"Okay, so we can DEFINITELY say for sure that pot brownies mellow Trolls out," Jane said. "That's good to know." She paused, allowing Karkat to vomit into a wastebasket in peace. "….with the side-effect of severe nausea upon coming down from the high."

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck….youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu," Karkat groaned into the basket before puking again. John and Gamzee were snickering in the corner, still 'grounded' to the couch but able to have a laugh at Karkat's expense. "AND FUCK YOU FUCKERS T—*BAAAAAAAAAAAAARF*"

Rose smiled as she flipped through her book, glancing over at Dave, who looked traumatized at whatever Karkat had decided to 'feelings rap' about before everyone managed to get there to bail him out. "…Hey, Dave, what time is it?" she asked.

"….three AM," he replied, twitching slightly. Rose nodded and thanked him, smiling down at her book.

"…Hellova birthday," she said. "Wonder how we're going to top this next year."


	6. Until the Party Ends

**It's All Fun and Games…**

"… _ **Until the Party Ends."**_

 _ **Epilogue**_

Thank fuck.

Thank.

FUCK.

The fucking 'party day' was over.

Between getting an ass-cramp from Twister, getting Caliginous sloppy makeouts from an idiot who was too drunk to know whether or not he was fucking 'homo', stripping naked in front of everyone, having his romfic read aloud to everyone, and then getting high off of 'pot brownies' meant for gogdamn Gamzee and spewing out gog only KNEW what to Dave, who wouldnt look him in the eye for some time—yeah. Karkat was fucking sick and tired of parties.

How humans managed to stay sane doing this EVERY FUCKING YEAR, MULTIPLE TIMES A YEAR FOR OTHER PEOPLE, was amazing. Maybe he underestimated their mental capabilities.

Karkat looked across the room, where John was sitting on the floor with Gamzee, teaching the homicidal fuck how to play some bullshit game called 'Chinese checkers' and having to reach over and pap Gamzee's head to calm him down whenever he fucked up a move.

…..yeah, fuck that, humans are insane. John fucking Egbert was, anyway. Here the Heir of Idiocy was, CLEARLY engaged in a Pale relationship with Gamzee, and he STILL gave everyone a blank look when it was mentioned. DAVE certainly had no issue with moiraillegience once it was properly explained.

Even though his moirail finally got over whatever exactly Karkat had 'feelings rapped' about, he was keeping his mouth shut about WHAT Karkat had said. Something about 'wanting to keep a bro's pride' or something. The mark of a TRUE moirail.

He sighed, relaxing back with his book, not noticing Vriska putting in a CD with a sadistic smirk.

The sounds of 'Insane Clown Posse' blared out, and Karkat felt the cold hand of death squeeze his spine. HE THOUGHT DAVE DESTROYED THAT FUCK-MOTHERING CD—

"GOGDAMN IT VRISKA, TURN IT OFF—!"

Chinese checkers went flying and out came the clubs. Gamzee was screaming, John was screaming, and after the pissed-off juggalo got a hold of a chunk of Vriska's hair, Vriska was screaming.

Internally, Karkat was screaming.

Fuck it. Egbert could handle this.

Karkat closed his book, walked out of the room, into his respiteblock, and buried his face into a pillow to let out some screaming of his own.

Gog, he couldn't wait for all this to end…

Dave poked his head in a bit later. "Yo, just wanted to let you know John's got Gamzee all up in the horn-pile with shooshpaps, so crisis averted." He snorted when Karkat didn't lift his head from the pillow, but instead just lifted his hand in a thumbs-up. "…Also, he had Rose work out some math, and Gamzee's birthday party is being planned—"

John was papping Gamzee's head, finally getting him to calm all the way down when—

 _ **"JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHNNNNNNNN**_

 _ **"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGG**_

 _ **"EGBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!"**_

* * *

 **And that's a wrap for this one! I definitely have more ideas to expand on this, so there may be a sequel! Tell me how you liked it!  
**


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